Glossary:YHDJM:Young Handsome Debonair Junior Manager Shineys: Admin, non-technical staff Lineys: Technical folk. Usually the aircraft handlers PBF: Pilot Briefing Facility. A concrete bunker Snoopies: Famous Laarbruch Beer Bar SENGO: Senior Engineering Officer JENGO: Junior Engineering Officer DA: Duty Authoriser. He who "permits" the aircrew to fly! RBL: Pilot's Initials. Shorthand as an identifier | |
Chapter 1 Those in the know, will remember that fateful Laarbruch day when a double `whooshing` sound echoed through the hangar of the world's most prestigious reconnaissance squadron - No. II (AC) Squadron! Lineys and Shineys alike rushed out to see what was happening, many jumping over the prostrate form of Grant Guest dozing gently in the corner. Those who were quick enough, caught a glimpse of a parachute (or two) floating down over the pine trees and on to the end of the runway near the Squadron dispersal. The slower ones had to be content with the sight of our `T Bird` sliding to a halt just off the runway onto the grass! Shortly after the ambulance and the firemen arrived at the scene and some of our chaps who duly sorted things out - climbing into the parked Jaguar; switching off the ignition; putting on the parking brake; making sure there were no sandwiches left in the cockpit, etc. - oh, and carting the two bewildered crew off to the Medical Centre. 
At this point someone (probably `Len the Plumber`) said, " Wot's the point of putting on the parking brake? - The Fookin
wheels are still up!" An astute observation, which hinted at the hidden depths of an Armourer's analytical mind.
(As an aside, whilst talking performance data, readers who had anything to do with the Jaguar will recall that
this mark normally needed reheat to taxi up the hill towards the Dutch border at Well anyway).However, the reason for Messer's Knight and Langworthy unorthodox vacation of their faithful steed was due, as"The Fitter's Tale" (qv) recounts, was this loud scraping noise which should have - but didn't - alert them to the fact that the wheels were still in their little houses - and that the Jaguar was already on the ground. Mr Knight, poor chap, not being a member of the `two winged master race`, had been so taken by surprise at this turn of events - this enforced and hasty exit - that he was flustered and failed to "alight" on the runway in true parachutist fashion. Indeed, he came down to earth so quickly and with more of the proverbial bump that he rather "a-heavied" onto the tarmac and had broken at least one ankle! (The actual number varies from 1 to 4 depending on who tells the tale). Why had he broken bones? Because he was wearing SHOES and NOT flying boots! | |
Chapter 2 (or should this really have been first?) "Flash back" - to some 3 hours previous.. Picture, if you will, a busy Flying Clothing Section somewhere on the North German plain - The Cold War is in full swing, everyone is doing their best at being beastly to the Eastern Bloc and the section staff are taking a well earned break from the rigors of Squadron life. (Snoopies was closed and the beer call had yet to be boycotted for the day). The two staff were woken from their slumber by the Squadron SENGO (known hereafter as `Little Trev` or LT) coming through the door. "Right you two" said Little Trev,"A jet has run out of petrol somewhere up North* and I've got to take a can up to fill it up - I've been down the BP in Weeze and got 20 litres with coupons borrowed from the "ever-generous" Willie Strachan but I need some flying kit `cos I'm going in the T-Bird with RBL". (Author's note: or at least the conversation was something like that! * Actually the reason for the trip was a lot more complicated than that but for the sake of this tale it is of no matter). "OK La" said Harry the Scouse"No problem, if Sire will step this way." So collecting all the bits together, the two staff fitted the SENGO with a fine Gucci ensemble complete with shiny new gloves and an empty sick bag but - Horror of Horrors - LT had tiny feet and as there were no girly,`PC` Pilots in those days there were no boots in the section likely to fit him. "Harry, I've rung stores and they've got a pair which will fit him. - On yer bike son and go and get them for SENGO!" , said the YHDJM in charge of the section. "Of course, my esteemed leader", said Harry the Scouse, and off he went.. LT, at this point, had turned a deep shade of red and was bouncing up and down in front of the section counter. "Get a move on, we're walking in 30", he said. "The Duty Auth is *** and you know what he can be like!!" "Boots were made for walking," thought YHDJM, cynically, "and not only that, they are quite useful if you have to bang out." No matter, time passed; Harry had not returned; and LT became even more agitated. Pleasant conversation was attempted whilst stalling for time. "Sorry Boss", said YHDJM,"but I think JENGO had swapped the last pair of size 7 boots with a Norwegian acquaintance he made up at Rygge. I don't know what she gave him in exchange but the Doc says it should clear up after the full course of treatment!" At this point a perplexed LT left the Flying Clothing section - fully kitted (except for boots) and went across to Vern Pike's Fast Food Restaurant (otherwise known as the PBF) where he met with RBL and the Duty Auth (DA). There, the T-bird hire agreement was signed, and ownership passed, albeit temporarily, from the Engineers to the flyboys. Now the DA was one of those `larger than life` characters and was not well disposed to delays of any kind, and especially those caused by Flying Clothing sections. However, to chivvy things along a bit the flight was duly `authorised` and LT & RBL `walked` to the T-bird. Meanwhile, back at the Flying Clothing Section, Harry had returned clutching the pristine pair of size 7 boots. The YHDJM briefly considered having them further polished before issue as a sop and chance that it would enhance his promotion prospects, but decided against and decided instead to get Harry to take the boots directly to the jet. This course of action was also a reasonable political move, interlaced (no pun intended) with some sound flight safety reasoning for hadn't RBL jumped out of a jet at least twice before? On arrival at the jet, Harry found SENGO being strapped in. Offering the boots up the ladder to LT, Harry was told it was now too late but not to worry though, SENGO would go with what he was wearing! (Precisely who said what to whom, and when, has long been lost in the mists of Dujardin.) | |
Chapter 3 "Flash forward" - to some 2 days later where in the Flying Clothing section, the strident ringing of the phone rudely awakens sleeping staffs. "Get that H!",says YHDJM and H complies! "DA wants you in his office at once!", Harry tells his boss, who immediately thinks,"Oh S..t! ...What now? As an obedient and grovelling JNCO, YHDJM rushed across the hangar, under the wing of the skeletal Jaguar, still bedecked with Christmas decorations for some strange reason, and into the `Soft`.  `The Soft` was that area of the hangar out of bounds to "mere mortals" such as those people who wore engineering `overalls` but OK for those "supermen" who wore `flying coveralls` or even uniform. It housed several exclusive coffee bars and clubs to which entry was severely restricted. It was also the area where the offices could be found of the esteemed Squadron Boss who could occasionally be seen and heard extolling the merits of `Cape Leather` flying gloves as gifts for the natives (another story, that!) Or more often perhaps, the area where people were sent to receive B*ll*ck*ngs for misdemeanors either suspected or proven. YHDJM felt that it was the latter reason why he had been invited into the hallowed halls and, sure enough, DA was found not to be in one of his better moods. YHDJM was `politely` informed of the confirmed injury to LT and was asked why the SENGO had no boots. "It's a long story", whined YHDJM, "but it all started like this. Picture, if you will, a busy Flying Clothing Section somewhere on the North German plain..." DA listened intently, marvelling at the `Teflon` coating now glistening on YHDJM's broad shoulders, until, finally, he had heard enough! "That's it", he boomed. "Cut the Cr*p; Why did YOU let him fly without boots?" "Me?",Said YHDJM. "Sorry, I thought YOU were the Duty Authoriser" "Err, yes.. well..",came the reply and the interview terminated shortly thereafter! | |
Epilogue So the `real` story (with `some` poetic licence) of the SENGO`s shoes is finally out! But think back, we did try to do things at a rush at times and sometimes it went wrong. (Houchins at Rygge; panels at Deci come to mind as well!). Perhaps we should all have listened a little more carefully to `Fred` when he said in the lyrics of that contemporary song: "You don't get nowhere if you're in a hurry" Ah - Happy Days!! |